Uncertainty

There are times I feel really lonely in this world. There are times I feel on top of the world and surrounded by great people. I wonder who actually cares and who's just filling a void. I wonder if I'm just looking to fill a void and not actually trying to get to know someone. I've met hundreds of people so far and it's only been 2 months. The quality of these individuals remains uncertain because my time is so sporadic and loyalties cannot be developed. I travel from one point to the next and continue looking for a next, not knowing what it will be. There are times I think I got it right or feel like I'm in the right spot at the right time. Or maybe it's the right spot at the wrong time. My brain is spinning continuously and the adjective I would use least to describe my feelings is grounded. So I seek out the people that are grounded and maybe that will rub off, the feeling that is. I'm not sure I'll ever actually be grounded or rooted in something so much that I will go with it. I wonder what kind of person that makes me. Is that the person I want to be? Fleeting or flightless or maybe the more positive free-spirited. All of my self describing adjectives are oxymorons, duality, contradictory statements that make my hyper-logical brain stop dead in it's tracks. This look is called ditzy - clueless because so many other things are going on. Staying in the present is a challenge. Words are being thrown, strewn around with no order. It's the feeling of getting lost and I'm realizing this was the goal. To shuffle my life, to disorganize it, to experience it, and then pick up the few things I want to take with me and start head long into the race.

Maybe being lost and uncertain is the best way to gain the footing for a foundation.